* Uncle G's Snail Mail *

* Uncle G's Snail Mail *

Located at the end of an alleyway is my snail mailbox. One of those neighborhood ones that service a group of us. A rather large stainless steal structure containing dozens of individual locked boxes, and two LARGER containers with their own individual keys for when one of us gets something bigger in size than what will fit in the regular individual smaller compartments. For the most part water-proof, and sufficient for I been receiving my snail mail this way since 1995. Every couple / few days I'll go out there and collect what my lovely Sandra and myself get. Mostly bills and junk mail. That being so, every so often the mail person delivers something cool.

Those who have sworn their loyalty (gave a LIKE) to Classic Rock Radio (Dot EU) here on Facebook know that a part of the writing I do pertains to new music releases; CDs or DVDs. Some of these titles do come to me courtesy of the US Mail, sent to me by people who think I might possibly enjoy whatever it is they are getting ready to present to the general public. It's flattering individuals / companies seek my opinion, and I only wish I had the proper time to listen / write about EVERYTHING I receive. What I believe to be worthy, I make subjects of what I hope are informative and entertaining reviews.

Just recently I approach the mailbox like I regularly do several times a week. Found the key on my key ring in which I have a dozen or so keys, and then finding our box, stuck the key in, and turned the lock. When I open the door, I see nothing but a wall of what looks like cardboard. It's a box. I touch it with a hand, and immediately conclude that it's too BIG to simply be pulled out of the mailbox. Yep...it's just plain stuck, and won't freely release itself from the grips of it's stainless steal confines. Yet it fit inside. Once the mail carrier unlocks and opens the door like entrances located in the back of the large mail community container, he or she is then able to put each individuals item into their respected spaces (tiny boxes). The front opening for which I am supposed to pull the mail out of. If I compared openings I BET that the front and backside openings would NOT be exactly the same. The backside having a larger opening (insert dirty joke here). I can only assume the mail person doesn't even know it's an issue.

Usually with the aide of a sharp pocket knife, I proceed to cut open boxes and reach inside, pulling the contents out. I then collapse the box when empty, and yank on it till I have it in my possession. Screwed up, but it's this, or wait till the mail person arrives again the NEXT day asking their assistance in the matter, or even worse, because of the size and the two extra big mail slots NOT available, the package is rendered UNDELIVERABLE. Here's comes the slip advising me that I have a package, waiting for me at the post office. Then it's in the car and off to the post office that services our address, which is like a couple miles away. Explains why I'm cutting contents of out boxes. Last place I want to go is my local post office. Nothing personal to anyone who works there. It's VERY time consuming with lines that usually go out the main door. Living in a BIG city...it's LIKE that.

I manage to wedge a finger from each hand on the bottom corners of the box. I wiggle it side to side. I tilt it for their is a little free space at the top. Two minutes later and I'm starting to get somewhat pissed. I wiggle...I pull...I tilt...I wiggle...I pull...I tilt. Finally, progress !! More and more the box is coming until having a better grip with more of the box exposed and sticking out the mailbox, I pull REAL HARD...and out it came. Free at last !!

Now having the box in my hand, along with the rest of the mail, I walk back to the car in which I see while doing so, one of my neighbors. He smiles telling me how comical it was watching as I freed that days mail delivery. I initially figured it must have happened to him before. My reaction was I just kind of smiled, said hello, and wished him a good day. It was that or replying back; F U !! Didn't want to ruin the feeling of what a beautiful day it was weather wise outside. Most of American freezing to death, and here in Houston Texas we're in the low seventies, sunny with a slight breeze. Dude was outside hand washing his pick-up truck. His entertainment while doing chores in the garage is watching people like myself come by and pick up our mail. Wanna know a secret? Seeing this guy several times before I'd already figured out that he's in there primarily getting sauced. He hides it under the front of the pick-up truck, and behind a chair he frequently sits in (you know...when resting from doing chores). When the dude thinks no one is looking, he takes a hit off his whiskey bottle. My well educated guess when it comes to things of this nature is...I bet he has someone inside the townhouse continually nagging him. Hence he's hiding out in the garage daily getting shit-faced. Be cool if he's at least listening to our station while doing so. Next time I see him, or he sees me, I'll give him one of my business cards.

In the house I find a something sharp, and open the box I received. Inside I see...bubble wrap. I take the item out of the box and unwrap it just to find it's wrap in another layer of BUBBLE WRAP. I'm thinking to myself. I say Self; "whatever it is, and I seriously don't have a clue at this moment, that it must be something special. For why else the double bubble wrap?” Eliminating that now obstacle between me and the actual item, the object presented itself.

Drum roll please, or should I request a Neal Smith drum roll? It's a CD...a very special CD: Alice Cooper - Billion Dollar Babies (1973) Audio Fidelity - Hybrid Super Audio CD (SACD) released just about two weeks ago!! Retail price about $30.00 -- WOW !!! No wonder the box and two layers of bubble wrap.

Coming Soon: Uncle G's review of...you guessed it.

Gary Brown
American Correspondent for Classic Rock Radio (Dot EU)